[A+] [A-]

Fatwas Regarding Women

In the Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful

Questions Related to Relation Between the Spouses

My Husband Is Not Concerned with Me at All

Question: My husband, may Allah forgive him, although he has noble character and fear of Allah, is not concerned with me at all in the home. He is always frowning and depressing. One might claim that I am the cause but, and Allah knows this, I am, and all praises are due to Allah, fulfilling his rights and I try my best to make everything very pleasant and nice for him. I also keep anything harmful from him and I am patient with how he treats me.

Every time I ask him about something or speak to him, he gets upset and agitated. He claims that it is ridiculous and useless speech, although he is very friendly with his companions and friends. As for me, I only see harshness and contempt. This hurts me very much and I really suffer from it. Many times I have thought about simply leaving the home.

I am a woman, and all praises are due to Allah, who has an average education and I fulfill the obligations Allah has put upon me.

Dear Shaikh, if I leave the house, bring up my children alone and take on my worldly needs by myself, would I be sinful? Or should I stay with him in this situation and just stop talking and participating with him?

Response: There is no doubt that it is obligatory upon the spouses to treat each other in a kind and respectable manner. They should treat each other with love, good disposition and beautiful manners. Allah has stated,

"Live with them honorably" (al-Nisa 19).

Allah also says,

"And they (women) have rights similar to [those] over them according to what is reasonable, but men have a degree [of responsibility] over them" (al-Baqara 228).

The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said,

"Piety is good behavior."1

In another hadith, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

"Do not discount any deed of goodness, even greeting your brother with a smiling face."

Muslim recorded both of them in his Sahih. The Prophet also said,

"The believer with the most complete faith is the one with the best character. The best of you are those who are best to their wives and I am best to my family."2

There are many other Ahadith that are exhortations to behaving properly, dealing nicely with each other and having good relations with other Muslims in general. Therefore, what obviously must be the case concerning the relation between spouses and close relatives?

You have done well by being patient and bearing the coldness and bad behavior from your husband. I advise you to increase your patience and not leave the home. Allah willing, that will bring about lots of good and a praiseworthy solution. Allah has stated,

"Be patient. Surely, Allah is with those who are patient" (al-Anfal 46).

Allah also says,

"Verily, he who fears Allah and is patient, then surely, Allah makes not the reward of the doers of good to be lost" (Yusuf 90).

Again, Allah says,

"Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full without reckoning"

(al-Zumar 10).

Finally, Allah says in yet another verse,

"So be patient, surely, the good end is for those who fear Allah" (Hud 49).

There is nothing to prevent you from joking with him and speaking with him in words that will soften his heart, acts that will cause him to smile at you and recognize your rights. Avoid seeking worldly needs from him as long as he is fulfilling your most important rights. Then when his heart becomes at ease, then you can get what you need and you both will praise Allah for the end result, Allah willing. May Allah grant you increase in every good. May He also correct the situation of your husband and guide hi to what is right and proper behavior and fulfilling what is right. Allah is the Best one to ask and He is the guide to the straight way.

Shaikh ibn Baz


1. Recorded by Muslim.--JZ

2. This translator was not able to find this complete text in any of the hadith books available to him. It seems, Allah knows best, that the Shaikh has combined two hadith in this reply. (It could simply be a typographical error.) One hadith states, "The believer with the most complete faith is the one with the best character. And the best of you is the one who is best to his wives." This is an authentic hadith recorded by al-Tirmidhi, Ahmad and others. The second hadith states, "The best of you is the best to his wife and I am the best to my wife." This was recorded by al-Tirmidhi and ibn Majah. It is also an authentic hadith. See Muhammad Nasir al-Din al-Albani, Silsilat al-Ahadith al-Sahiha (Beirut: al-Maktab al-Islami, 1979), vol. 1, hadith #284 and 285.-JZ

My Husband Does not Treat Me in a Good and Proper Fashion

Question: I have been married for about 25 years. I have numerous sons and daughters. I always face difficulties from my husband. He humiliates me in front of my children, close relatives and others. He never gives me any credit. The only time I feel rest is when I leave the house, although he does pray and he fears Allah. Please guide me to the best path I should follow.

Response: It is obligatory upon you to have patience and to advise him to act in the best way. Remind him of Allah and the Hereafter. Perhaps he will respond and return to what is correct. Perhaps he will give up his evil behavior. If he does not, the sin is upon him and you will get a great reward for your patience and bearing his harm. It is sanctioned for you to supplicate for him in your prayer and at other times, that Allah may guide him to what is correct, bless him with proper behavior and protect you from his evil and the evil of others. You also should take account of yourself and be steadfast in your faith. You should also repent to Allah for whatever you have done in the past of evils and mistakes with respect to the right of Allah, the right of your husband or others' rights. Perhaps he has been given this control over you because of some sin that you have committed. Allah has stated,

"And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much" (al-Shura 30).

There is nothing to keep you from asking his father, mother, older brothers, any relative he respects or neighbors to advise him and encourage him to treat you properly, in response to Allah's statements,

"Live with them honorably" (al-Nisa 19).

Allah also says,

"And they (women) have rights similar to those over them according to what is reasonable. But men have a degree [of responsibility] over them" (al-Baqara 228).

May Allah improve your affairs, guide your husband and return him to what is correct. May Allah also gather the two of you together in goodness and guidance. He is the Generous, the Noble.

Shaikh ibn Baz

My Husband Curses and Abuses Me

Question: What is the legal ruling concerning seeking a divorce when proper relations become an impossibility? This is due to the following reasons: First, my husband is ignorant and he does not recognize any rights for me. He curses me and my father and calls us Jews, Christians and Shia. However, I was patient with his evil manners because of my child. But when I became ill with arthritis, I no longer had the ability to bear his behavior. I began to hate him a great deal, to the point that I cannot stand even talking to him. I asked him for a divorce but he refused. Now I have been living with him for six years with my children and he treats me like a divorced woman or a woman who is not related to him. But he still refuses divorce. I beg for your answer to my question.

Response: If the situation is as you have just described, there is nothing wrong in seeking divorce. There is no harm also in you ransoming yourself by paying him some wealth in order for him to divorce you. This is due to his improper behavior and wronging you by evil speech. If you think it feasible, for the sake of your children and your need for his maintenance as well as the children's, to be patient and advise him to behave properly and ask Allah to guide him, there is great reward and a good end. We ask Allah to guide him and make him firm in his religion. This answer is assuming that he prays and does not curse the religion. If he does not pray or if he curses the religion, he is a disbeliever. Then it is not permissible for you to stay with him or allow him control over you. This is because cursing and ridiculing the religion is disbelief and straying. It is apostasy from Islam according to the consensus of the scholars. This is based on Allah's statement,

"Say: Was it Allah, and His signs and His Messenger that you were mocking? Make no excuse! You have disbelieved after you had believed" (al-Tauba 65-66).

Also, abandoning the prayer is a greater form of disbelief, even if a person does not deny its obligation, according to the stronger opinion among the scholars. This is based on what has been confirmed from the Prophet (peace be upon him) in Sahih Muslim from Jabir ibn Abdullah that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

"Between a man and disbelief and polytheism is the abandoning of the prayer."

Also, Imam Ahmad and the compilers of the Sunan recorded with a sahih chain from Buraida ibn al-Hasib that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

"The covenant between us and them is the prayer. Whoever abandons it has committed disbelief."

There are also other evidences from the Quran and sunnah besides what we have mentioned.

Shaikh ibn Baz

A Woman Takes Money from Her Husband without His Knowledge

Question: My husband does not give me my expenses, neither for me nor for my children. Sometimes, we take money from him without his knowledge. Is there any sin upon us?

Response: It is allowed for a woman to take wealth from her husband without his knowledge to meet her and her children's needs if he is not giving them what they are customarily entitled to. She must take the money without extravagance or waste if he does not give her what suffices her. This is based on what is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim from Aisha who stated that Hind bint Utbah came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said, "O Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), Abu Sufyan does not give me what is sufficient for me or for my children." The Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

"Take from his wealth according to what is right and good which will suffice you and your child."

Shaikh ibn Baz

Obedience is in What is Right and Good

Question: I married a man. After the marriage, he requested that I should not cover my face in front of his brothers otherwise he would divorce me. What should I do while I fear divorce?

Response: It is not allowed for a man to be flexible with respect to his wife and allow her to uncover her face in front o men. It is not proper for him to be weak and give into his family to the point that his wife uncovers her face in front of his brothers uncles, brother-in-laws, cousins and others who are not mahram for her. This is not allowed. She does not obey him in that matter as obedience is only in what is good and right. In fact, she must wear hijab and cover her face even if he divorces her. If he does divorce her, soon Allah will provide her with someone better than him, Allah willing. Allah says in the Quran,

"But if they separate [by divorce], Allah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty" (al-Nisa 130).

It is also narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

"If someone abandons something for the sake of Allah, Allah will replace it with something better than it."1

Allah says:

"And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make his matter easy for him." (al-Talaq 4)

It is not allowed for the husband to threaten her with divorce if she wears hijab and follows those guidelines that lead to chastity and modesty. We ask Allah for safety and health.

Shaikh ibn Baz


1. The Shaikh has presented this hadith in such a way that it looks like he considers it weak. However, with a different wording but the same meaning, the hadith is narrated by Ahmad with a chain of trustworthy narrators. See Muhammad al-Sakhawi, al-Maqasidal-Hasana (Beiru; Dar al-Kitab al-Arabi, 1985), p. 576.--JZ

If a Woman Advised Her Husband

Question: If a woman advised her husband who is lazy with respect to performing the prayers in the mosque and she shows her anger towards him, is she being sinful because of his greater right over her?

Response: There is no sin upon a woman if she advises her husband when he performs something that Allah has forbidden, such as being lazy with respect to performing the prayer with the congregation, drinking alcohol or having entertainment during the night. In fact, she will be rewarded. The advice should be in a good and kind way. In this way, it will more likely be accepted and benefited from.

Shaikh ibn Baz

My Husband is Addicted to Smoking

Question: My husband is addicted to smoking and is afflicted with asthma. We have faced many problems between us from trying to get him to quit. Five months ago, my husband prayed two rakats to Allah and swore that he would not smoke again. Just one week after his oath, he smoked again and the problems began between us again. I sought divorce from him. However, he promised that he would not smoke again forever. However, I have no trust in him whatsoever. What is your sound opinion? What should he do as an expiation for his oath? What do you advise me to do? May Allah reward you.

Response: Smoking is an evil, forbidden act. It is very harmful. In Surah al-Maidah of the Noble Book, Allah has said,

"They ask you what is lawful for them. Say, 'Lawful unto you are the good, wholesome foods" (al-Maida 4).

In Surnh al-Araf, Allah has stated in describing the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)

"[He] who permits for them good things and prohibits for them as unlawful all evil things" (al-Araf 157).

There is no doubt that smoking is one of the evil, unwholesome things. It is obligatory upon your husband to stop smoking and remain away from it in obedience to Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him). He must also avoid any cause of Allah's displeasure and he must safeguard the well-being of his religion and health as well as deal with you in a proper manner.

He must make an expiation for the vow he broke. In addition to repenting to Allah due to his returning to smoking, he must feed ten poor people or clothe them or free a believing slave. It is sufficient for him to give them dinners or lunch or to give each a half of sa' of the staple food of the land. Half of a sa' is approximately one and a half kilograms.

I advise you not to seek divorce if he prays, behaves well and gives up smoking. However, if he continues to perform this sinful act, there is nothing to prevent you from seeking divorce. We ask Allah for guidance and aid for a sincere repentance.

Shaikh ibn Baz

Psychological Conditions may Allow a Wife to Prevent Her Husband

Question: Is a woman sinful if she prevents her husband when he desires her for sexual intercourse due to her psychological state or due to an illness that is hurting her?

Response: It is obligatory upon the wife to respond to her husband if he calls her to his bed. However, if she is psychologically ill and is not able to actively respond to his call or if she has a physical illness, then in such cases it is not allowed for the husband to call upon her. This is because the Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

"There is to be no harm done or reciprocation of harm."1

He should either refrain or enjoy her company in such a way that does not harm her.

Shaikh ibn Uthaimin


1. Recorded by Ahmad, Malik and ibn Majah. Al-Albani has graded it sahih. Al-Albani, Sahih al-Jami, vol. 2, p. 1249.

Back to Index

print this page bookmark this page

preloaded image preloaded image preloaded image preloaded image preloaded image